I have mixed emotions about work.. I'm happy cuz I don need to stay alone at home everyday anymore.. and can keep myself busy... which is a good thing... but I'm also quite afraid because it'll be a big change for me...
I have to adapt to many new changes, and change many of my lifestyle habits... meet new people, new environment etc etc... But I guess I have to grow up one day... I believe God will guide me along and give me the wisdom to shine in the marketplace...
Last sat Pastor Zhuang talked to me after svc about some of the struggles I'm facing... Pst has known me since 2005 and has literally seen me 'grow up'.. how I battled my illness and how I went through all my difficult times... I still remember those times he came to my house with Cindy to talk to me, counselled me, gave me bible study at Suntec office etc etc...
Time really flies... Pst Zhuang will always be the person I look up to the most.. To me he is my spiritual father and role model... I'm really touched by his care and concern for me... I respect Pst Kong and Pst Zhuang ALOT ALOT!!
I have 3 Fathers... (1) My Heavenly Father- God, (2) My Earthly Father- My daddy, (3) My Spiritual Fathers- Pst Kong/Pst Zhuang... Their love for God and His people will always inspire and motivate me to be a better person...
I want to do more things for God and His Kingdom... reach out to people.. show them the love of God.. and win more souls for Christ... One thing I know, I will always love God, and I will always love my Church, and I will always run with the Vision of City Harvest Church for the rest of my life... I will never leave my church, or leave God...
Even though there are often times I feel so tired of life, and I feel like giving up, because the pain is too much for me to bear... But God has never given up on me, though I gave up on myself.. When I'm faithless, God is always Faithful.. and He is the one that brought me through my many years of trials and tribulations...
I've gone through so much in the past... I don want to go through even more pain in the future... I believe God will give me my miracle... and My future is in good hands.. because it is in God's hands... Just Like what Pst Kong said, I deserve better.
+But of cos... some secrets are meant to be kept.. not all things can be told... sometimes it may just be better to keep it in my heart.. I can only express my feelings here but may not go into detail what happened... so.. even if u think u fully understand me, but the truth is, u'll never be able to know the real me... and I'll always remain a mystery.
Actually I wanted to change my blogskin but everything got messed up.. so I decided to just stick with this skin... Many things happened in my life... but it'll take forever to list them now... lol... let the past be memories in my heart, and mind...
I'll be starting work on 23th March... Thank God that I finally got a job... these past few months have been a difficult period for me... not only I have to struggle daily with my own personal problems, but I still have to worry about getting a job in the midst of the recession... so now, at least one thing is off my mind now...
No one'll fully understand what I am going through... no one knows, not even my family. I guess I've hid from them well... and thats a good thing. I rather go through the pain alone then let other people worry for me too... Well, Suffering in silence hurts, but I got no other choice...
At least I know God sees my every Tear, and hears my cries... Only He knows and understands my pain and hurts, and only He is able to restore my health, my life, my self esteem, my happiness, everything.... I'm still waiting for my Miracle to come...
But Thank God for a friend, who is always there for me when I fall... and also for Wes, who has stood by me all these while, giving me the love and support I need... Love will always make This Journey to Recovery much more bearable... even though there are many times I feel like giving up, but God will give me the courage to stand up again...
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