I know you can't change your past, but you can create your Future.....

I don't really know what else to say.... I guess you have misuderstood me... Im sorry if u can't really understand me.

Its ok.... Im already used to being alone. And Im already very tired of Heartbreaks.

I Just want to say... I still love you, and my love for you will not ever change .... <3

The void in My Heart... only God can fill it. No one else can...

Everytime whenever I think about My Past, all that I have gone through, Tears just can't stop flowing....

God, You know all the struggles I am still going through now... I pray that Your Light will fill even the Darkest parts of My soul...

As I spend time with God and listen to christian music, The music often helps to hide the sound of my cries....

Every day, as I lie in the silence of the darkness, I will feel so so ALONE.

I am not very close to my parents, I have very few friends, sometimes I will Just feel so alone and Lost...

But I thank God He is always with Me... everytime I am faithless, He is always Faithful to Me, He is the one who gives me strength to Fight on each day....

God, You have created me in Your own image, I am wonderfully and Fearfully made.... Pls give Me the strength and confidence I need....

Everyone else may have forsaken Me, but God will never Forsake Me.... The emptiness and void in my heart, Tells me that God should always be in the centre of my Life.....

All my silent Tears, my deepest Fears and my Darkest secret, Only God sees it all... The last thing I ever want is to lose Your presence....

God, I really need more and more of You... Nothing else matters, Just to be in our presence...

Every Tear that I've shed, Tells of a Painful story... God, pls help me to be strong.... I'll wait on You, For Your Touch Anew....

Somemore I really lagging behind in my schoolwork... Oh man dunno wat to do.... Can't ask anyone for help also..... Sigh.... God pls pls help me... + + +

Yesterday went for make up cg with my sis.... The presence of God was really strong... I dunno why but yea... I had never felt this way for a long time. So happy to see Cindy also... I miss her lor!!

After cg we celebrated Cindy's birthday.... Then we went to Crystal Jade restaurant... my sis went to buy birthday cake and we sang Birthday song for her there....

Sigh... Wes didn't go for make-up cg today.... called him so many times he didn't answer.... he was still sleeping... lol but somehow I just know he will oversleep.... After cg I called him... he was sort of in a bad mood....

After hearing the way he talked to me on the phone and his smses, I Emo le.... sigh... Sorry dear I can't help you feel better or cheer you up... I feel so useless...

After that I went to Tiong Bahru Plaza with Cindy.... since Im not meeting Wes so I watched movie with her and a few of her cg members... We watched "Death Note 3"... it was a nice show... after the movie Cindy fetched me to City hall mrt then she went off...

Happy Birthday Cindy!! Love you loads... <33

After that I went to my Auntie's hse.... ate dinner, watch tv, talk to my cousins... I used to be very close to my cousins de... now we've all grown up and lead our own lives....

Sigh I really miss my childhood days... when I was so happy and carefree.... where there is only play and fun and no worries at all....

But in my Growing up years things started to change.... I saw the world in a different view... I learnt what Pain and Hurt felt like.... I saw how death looks like... Sigh I guess this is Just Life....

Then At 11 plus pm, I went home... so tired...

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Dear... I dunno what is bothering you yesterday.... Im sorry I couldn't help you... I Just want you to know I'll always be here for you....

Those words that you said really hurt Me... At that moment, My heart Just broke... Maybe I am too sensitive, but I guess I love you too much I can't afford to lose you.....

Im very sad That sometimes, you are Just not there for me when I need you... during the Times I feel sad or alone, sometimes you are not by my side...

Of coz, its my Wish and my Heart's Desire that we will both last long, and Forever....

Im not the type of girl who will just do anything for a guy.... The reason I did is cuz I love you... Don you understand..... Sigh....

I know without me, you still can survive. I know you don't need me to survive... You are a man, but I am a girl. I may survive, but all the Hurts and Heartbreaks will leave a deep and permanent scar in me Forever, Till the day I die.

I still love you no matter what.... and I hope u'll know, My feelings for you will never change. And I hope its the same for you too.

Tomorrow is your Birthday... Happy Birthday Dear... I love you loads. <33

Today I met Wes at AMK hub in the afternoon... and he gave me a bouquet of blue roses... and it was a very big one... sooo sweet lol.... and everywhere I go, pple kept looking at me and at the roses... -.- so embarassing... hahas... Thanks dear for the roses... <33

Wes also bought couple rings for each of us... The ring is very nice and it has both our names and our anniversary date carved on them...

This symbol of our love and bond, I'll always cherish it in my heart and soul... <33

After that we went to watch a movie called "Jumper"... it was a very nice and cool show... then after that accompanied Wes to eat... at abt 6 plus pm, Wes had to go off first.... cuz he had to go to a friend's funeral...

Dear, I feel very sorry for your friend.... I hope you don't feel too sad kae... I dunno what to say... but I just want to tell you that I love you and I will never leave you... Through Thick and Thin, Through sorrow and Joy, I'll always be here with and for you.... <33

This month of Feb is a month of many special occasions... first is Chinese New Year, then Valentine's day which is Today... then on 19 Feb will be Cindy's and Wes's birthday!!

Two of the most special people in my heart's birthday falls on the same day.... It's just so amazingly coincidental....

Cindy and Wes are the two people whom I treasure so much.... God sent them to me in different seasons of my life to leave footprints in my heart....

Wes, I love you. You'll have my heart Forever. <33

I don't even know what I'm feeling... My feelings are all mixed emotions... I feel Lonely, sad, unloved, Lost all at the same time.... Sigh... I don't look forward to CNY anymore...

Its supposed to be a time of reunion with my family... but so many things have happened all these years... I guess its very hard to reconcile again. I may feel very alone... but I have already gotten used to it... In other words, I have already given up....

A Home is like Heaven to one's soul... but I don't have one... What I want is a home, not a house.... I don't blame my family entirely... I guess it take both hands to clap.....

While everyone is having their reunion dinner on Chinese New Year Eve, Im all alone in my own room.... I only can hope things will get better soon.

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Yesterday I went out with Wes... I went with him to meet his sec sch friends for dinner at Newton food centre...

Then after that sat his fren's car to Geylang... LoL... It was an interesting experience for me.... but we didn't get down the car.... it was sort of a car ride through Geylang...

Hahas... Then we went to a place where pple go there to 'smoke'... lol... its not really smoking but its a very long and nice tube for pple to smoke... I tried.... so smelly lor... lol... and I ended up coughing. Hahas but it was quite fun....

And there was a corner for us where we can lie down and smoke... Wes kept smoking... -.- ....... LoL..... Dear don't make it a habit kae... By that time was already 11 plus pm close to midnight... I was so sleepy liao... lol...

While Wes and his frens 'smoked', chit chat and play board games, I lay down on the mat to sleep.... o.O

I slept very soundly... lol... until Wes wake me up that time I tot I was dreaming.... o.O... lol...

Hahas then Wes's fren fetched us home... by the time I reached home it was already 2am... luckily no school Tmr...

But then my house door was locked le.... Shucks... and I kept calling my sister 10 over times she nvr pick up.... call my house also no one pick up... lol all of them sleeping le....

Shit so sway I slept at my house carporch.... But I couldn't sleep at all cuz there was alot of mosquitoes....

Wa lao so sway... I was v tired le... then I prayed to God... I prayed that my sister will wake up and look at her handphone... then I called my house one more time....

After a while my sis came down to open the door for me! Oh man... God really answers my prayers.... <3

She said she heard the house phone kept ringing then woke up.... Thank God man... if not I'll be stuck outside till morning.....

By the time I entered the house was 5 plus am le.... so sleepy... Then I still did my schoolwork... slept at 6 plus am... * Yawn *...

And I woke up late in the morning lol.... I took cab all the way to school just to hand up my assignment.... Then after that went to Vivo City a while then go home...

Today is Chinese New year eve.... Just now my family had reunion dinner downstairs without me.... Sigh its ok.... even if my parents don't take me as their child, one thing I know for sure I'm always a child of God... and He will never forsake me even if everyone else does..... + + +

Dear.... I miss you... Have fun during Chinese New Year kae.... Thanks for letting me know u'll never leave me too.... Love you loads. <33