You'd see how much she really cries.

You'd find Hidden secrets, Best friends, and Lies.

But what you'll see The most is how hard it is to stay strong,

When Nothing's right and Everything is wrong.

Sometimes U'll never know how much someone else is Hurting.

You could be standing next to somebody who is completely broken

But you wouldn't even n o t i c e.

She will smile and she will laugh.

She will look at you and say with a perfectly straight face that everything is Fine.

But in her heart; in her soul and in her head.

It's not.

Nothing is, but that doesn't matter.

Because she's going to Hide it all.

Because she doesn't want to burden any one else

With her Problems and her Fears.

No One Is More Beautiful Than The One That HaS Struggled Through The Tears.

There's no going back from what happened.

You can go back and understand the past.

But You can't go back and change it.

*************************************

See that girl across the hall?

She's smart but hates school.

She's pretty, but she's alone.

She laughs, but her smile is fake.

She has dreams, but she hates herself.

**************************************

It's Just so sad.... =(

It reminds me of My Past...

I can relate so well to it.

It brings back painful Memories....

And these memories will always bring me Tears.

This illness has caused me much Sufferings and Pain.

It has ruined My life forever.

To all those who are suffering too,

I really pray hard you can recover soon.

I know how it Feels like to have an ED. I really do.

I feel all alone in this world.

I feel so Lost, so helpless.

I can only suffer in silence.

I know all the sufferings one has to go through.

Because I have gone thru them all.

I also know it takes great courage and strength to Recover.

But, Pls do recover.

Its not easy, but you will get well again.

Life's painful enough. Don't add more torture to it.

*ED= eating disorder

Last nite, I dreamt of Cindy....

Actually, I really miss her. But on the outside Im trying hard to be strong and move on in life.

When Cindy was not my CGL anymore, My world just crashed on Me. Sounds kinda exaggerated but its true... this shows how important Cindy is to Me....<3

Cindy left a big impact on My life. Without her, I wouldn't have been where I am today.

She is Not only my spiritual leader, but she is also My true friend, My Benefactor... She was the one who helped me thru My darkest moments and Lowest points of my Life.

Without God, maybe I'll not have survived till today. + +

Through her love, I saw the love of Jesus in her... I miss u cindy, I really do. <3<3

I myself have a lot of personal problems and studies to worry about, thats why sometimes my problems and busy workload just allow me to think lesser of Cindy.

Which is in a way good, cuz I won't be so sad everyday. Cindy may not be on my mind every single day, But she is and will ALWAYS in My Heart.

Anyway I haven't said wat I dreamt about. I can't really remember but it was roughly like that.

I dreamt that we were in church, and when I saw Cindy, I went forward to hug her. Then she also hugged Me very Tight for very long.

And she started crying... And I cried too.... When I woke up I realised I had been crying in my sleep..

Then I went bk to sleep, and the dream continued...

I dreamt that I had a big fight with My parents, and I called Cindy. She accompanied Me the whole night, talked to Me, and Just was there for me.

I guessed this dream made me realise how much I miss her... Sighz I feel so sad now.

If Im in Cindy's cg now, I am willing to listen to everything she ask me to do, be obedient, submit to her, and serve her.

Sorry Cindy, if in the past sometimes I failed to obey you or have disappoint you.

Thank you for being a blessing in My life... I love u loads.

But I just feel that no matter how much I miss Cindy, this is not the reason why I am thinking of going over to her CG.

Instead, its because I want to rise up. I Just feel God is telling Me to rise up. I dunno how, and I dunno where to start. I Just feel that I need a Breakthrough, I don't want to stay where I am....

I Just hope I can rise up under the discipleship of a leader who believes in Me.

I really want and need to move up another spirtual level. Sometimes its just sad when people don't believe in Me.

I don't blame them, cuz sometimes even I myself give up on myself.

But I believe if I just have faith as little as a mustard seed, God can use Me...

Despite My struggles, God can still use me....

I may have gone thru many tribulations and sufferings, BUT I am an Overcomer....

And I am More than a Conqueror!....

I can say that "I have run my race, I have kept My Faith...." + +

I learnt in church that sufferings and tribulations can't be avoided...

The lord said, " And I will show him how he must suffer for my name's sake." + +

I need to suffer for Christ's sake.

God died on the cross for my sins. My sufferings and pain may be overwhelming, but what are my sufferings compared to those that Jesus went through?

I must say sufferings and pain in My life have made me a stronger person...

There are many times when I give up and lose hope, but My Faith in God is the reason That I Fight on.

It is only through Tribulations, that I can enter the Kingdom of God... + +

I may still be facing Tribulations and sufferings Now, but Im believing God for a Miracle.... +

We went cineleisure Orchard to watch the "Bee Movie"! It was very funny and cute... hahas.... My cg said I laughed the loudest!! Really meh... LOL....

There's one part when the bee said " Bees are funny"... Haha no wonder Beeleng is funny too.... LoL..... There's another part where the bee hit the table, and vincent got a shock and jumped in his chair!! Hahas....so funny. =)

I want to thank Wes for paying for my movie ticket... Thanks for treating me watch movie!! =)

And Jamie gave me a furry handmade hamster.... Hahas so cute... =)

After that, we all went to foodcourt.. then after that went to walk around. Each one of us contributed some money to buy Weipin a cross chain to bless him... Happy birthday! =)

Then Nicole and Beeleng went off first..... =( Thanks Beeleng and Nicole for taking time off to celebrate my birthday..... Thanks for your Love....... I love you too! =) <3<3

After that, we went to Heeren to walk ard but most of the shops were closed le. So we went home.... Today was a memorable day for me and Im very thankful to my cg who took time to celebrate with Me....

As I've said, this is the 1st time pple celebrated my bday with me.... sounds pathetic, but it's true... Lol....

Thanks everyone for being there with Me on My birthday..... I really appreciate it... Especially Beeleng... I know u are very busy, but Thanks for coming... .. I LoVe you! =) <3<3<3

I love any songs that makes Me cry.

It speaks of a Love that is so True, so deep... <3

Hey Baby when we are together
Doing things that we love
Everytime ure near me it feels like Im in Heaven
Feeling High
I don't want to let go girl
I Just need u to know girl

I don't wanna run away
Baby ure the one I need Tonight
No Promises...
Baby Now I need to Hold you Tight
I Just want to Die in your arms.....
Here Tonight

Perhaps I've been hurt many many times by other people's words before, even the people that Im closest to.

Like the bible says, the tongue is the most evil weapon, and one's words can either save you or destroy you.

So I Feel that what people say to Me have a very big impact on My self-esteem.

I've always been hurt by people's cutting words, and on the outside I may look fine after that, but actually on the inside it feels as if a knife has been stabbed in my Heart.

Very often, it is what people say that Hurt Me. So if u have any negative coments abt me, Don't tell me. Hahas, but pls don't backstab me either. Of cos, I am ok with positive criticisms.

But I feel that if a person really loves me, He/ she will not want to hurt me with their words, but also will not hesitate to give me positive criticisms or advice if he/she thinks it is necessary for me to learn from my mistakes.

And also, Physical Touch makes me feel Loved too =) Hahas I Love KisSes, hugS, Pats ...... =) But of cos it must depend on who is touching Me. Haha...

Lastly, Happy Birthday To MyselF! =) I hope God will make my dreams come True and grant Me the desires of My HearT..... <3<3

I need Healing in My Life.... And that will be My Miracle... <3

Sometimes, I feel like Giving up... because Life is Just too Painful, especially when I have to go Through all my struggles alone.

Its really not easy, But I Pray That God will give Me a Breakthrough soon. + + +

I really need God's Grace and strength to see Me through all the difficult Times.

God is the only one who sees My Deepest fears, My hidden secrets. And Every Tear I cry, He sees it all. + + +

Most of the people that came are my Dearest church frens, and only 1 outside church friend came.. But My sis got 20 ouside frens who came!

Thank you N402, W452 and W387 who came to my party. Im really happy to see all of you..... Especially the W387 kids so cute... Hahas.

I am even more Happy to see My Dearest CGLs Cindy and Beeleng... I love u both!! So Long never see Cindy le..... I miss her!! =(

I really wish u both can spend more time with Me... and it had been ages since I went out with Cindy!! =(

Beeleng was very funny.... she sang karaoke upstairs in the family hall.... Hahas... =) Then Malcom also sang for us too.... He sang very well! =)

Then we cut cake and sang birthday song... so embarassing lor... lol can see so many eyes looking at Me... Hahahas... Not used to it la.... cuz this is the 1st time in mY Life I got bday party! LOL.... I very shy leh got so many pple looking at me.....

Dear God, I hope that my birthday wishes will come True.... + + + Im Praying for Deliverance, Healing and a Miracle in My life........+ + +

After cutting cake, Cindy, Beeleng and Nicole left cuz they had another bday party to attend... =(

Today was a fun day Fellowshipping with one another, playing with the kids, receiving gifts! My sis got alot of presents... I only got a few. LoL...

My favourite present is an Adidas bag from Wes.... Thanks Wesley!! =)

W387 gave me a cute soft toy in the shape of a bao hahas so cute =)

Thanks everyone, I really Feel so Touched. Thanks for letting Me know Im not alone...

A few more days to 7 Nov and I will be turning 21... As much as Im afraid to grow up, I know I can't escape reality. I may be still a child at Heart but Im always a child of God... +

And I really hope God will guide me through all my days ahead... I Hope Thru all the storms, God will see Me through.

Next yr when I graduate and go out to work, it will be another difficult phase of life for me... I pray that God will lead Me through all the difficult times...

I know God will never leave nor forsake Me.

I hope this 21st birthday will mark a New beginning, a New start for Me. I really Need a Breakthrough in My life... and I Trust God that My Breakthrough will come..... + +

I admit that there are still many things in my life I can't let go of. Its not easy, especially when I've been struggling with it for so long.

Im still Fighting to let go, and Fighting to be strong. With God, I believe I can overcome darkness in my Life.... + +