Still remembered those days during Emerge '06 and 07... sigh really missed EMERGE POS cheerleading... Miss all the fun and dance and friendships forged with NUS City Harvesters... :((

I have been feeling rather down... and Emo recently... sighhh... I feel that my life is a routine... and its just so hard to stay strong... plus all my personal and family problems, its just doesn't make things any better...

What is the worse is that I have to go through all the pain alone... How I wished Wes can be by my side... to be here for me... but the truth is that he can't... I feel so lost, so alone, so Empty... I wonder if my future will ever get better... I worry abt my career... I worry abt my body image and eating issues...

I really need a Breakthrough in my life... I hope the days ahead will be better for me... Sometimes I dunno where I'm heading.. but I just continue to Trust God that He will guide and lead me through my darkest moments and the deepest valleys...

God... pls hear my cries.... I cry myself to sleep almost every night... and No one knows.... I wish I can be set free from my bondage with my past and my Trials one day... I wish I can truly experience Happiness and Freedom.... I really need a Miracle from God...

Pst Phil Pringle mentioned in his sermon last sun.... He said that No Trial last Forever... Every Trial that I go through will only give me more strength, endurance and perserverance... I know I have to be strong... but its not easy... sometimes the emotional and mental pain is so hard to bear...

But God will give me strength... I believe He is always with me, holding my hand everywhere I go... though I cant see Him, cant hear Him, and can't always feel Him.... I want to do more things for God... Serve God more... reach out to the hurting and the less fortunate... Just like Sun... The Asia Conference has placed in me this desire...

But I dunno how to start.. I hope one day I can go for mission trips and help people... I don't want to lead an ordinary and meaningless life... Truly only God can fill up the Emptiness in me...

I pray that one day I can see the Light at the end of the Tunnel... I hope one day I can lead a happy life with Wes... where I don need to always feel so alone...

The God I know is Fathful and True... The God I know strengthens the weak... God will never leave nor forsake me... I pray that God will lead me to my Destiny... I pray that one day I can find my calling and purpose in Life...

The Joy of the Lord is my strength.... I really hope one day I can Truly be happy.. and not pretend or try to be happy... I hope one day I will know what True Happiness is.... God, pls hear my prayer... +

Sometimes I wish I can run away.... run away from all these pain, all my troubles... end all the silent sufferings... that no one knows, and no one will ever understand....

Dear... I miss you... Perhaps this is the power of Love.... at times when I fall, Love gives me the strength to pick myself up... Though we can't see each other as often as before, but you are always in my Heart...

I hope one day we can create a paradise of our own.... Just the 2 of us... Where there can be everlasting happiness and Love.... <3

I don't let others see my tears easily... because I always put on a strong front... I only cry when I'm alone...

But it depends on the situation... if I really cry in front of someone means there are alot of feelings and emotions involved... or it means I was very sad or hurt.. and the person should be very close to me...

Dear... U said u never see me cry before... now u saw already right... lol... U so fierce it scared me lol... but I still love you...

God showed me so many signs... God always make a way for us to be with each other.. it cant be that coincidental.. and as times passes, the stronger I feel that we are really meant for each other...

Dear... thanks for spending my birthday with me... its already the best birthday gift I can have... I don't want riches or material wealth...

I just want you by my side... Love is more priceless than anything else...

On my birthday.. we went to watch movie at Vivo City.. after that actually dear wanted to bring me to sit cable car but it was already closed... then after that we walked around then went home..

Dear also bought a Forever 21 cardigan for me and also a Titty Teddy bear for me which costs $60 plus.. so expensive!! He also gave me a card... but he only wrote more words on the card after he made me cry.... haha....

Time passes so fast.... sigh... weekends seem to pass so fast... how I wish dear can be with me more often... Sigh I miss you dear... Love you Always... <3

I feel so discouraged... after going for a few job interviews and hearing their comments... sigh... I worry abt my future... and I can't seem to find the light in the midst of this darkness...

I temporarily forget abt my problems when I'm with Wes... I feel happy, and secure with him.. but my happiness doesn't last long... because we have limited time together... I miss him... How I wish I don't have to feel so alone everytime... sigh...

Truly, Beneath this smile of mine, lies a million Tears... and hides so much secrets... Behind my smile is everything u'll never understand... I wished I didn't have to have so much secrets... but sometimes.... some secrets are just meant to be kept....

I have many doubts... about myself, about my purpose in life, about my future, my career, etc etc... Life is painful... especially when u have to go through everything yourself... no one knows, no one sees... because I don't show my emotions on the outside... I keep them all in my heart... cuz I don't want to earn other's pity... only God sees and feels the pain I'm going through...

The building fund season has come again... though its not a big amount to others, but its a big amount to me... I hope that God sees my heart... and I hope this will be the start of more blessings and miracles to come for me.... I really need a miracle from God...

This week is Wes's field camp... so he can't call and msg me at all... Dear I feel so lonely without you... Sigh hope you are fine over there... I miss you... Take care. <3