When will all my sufferings end?

No one will know what I am talking about. Only Myself and God knows....

I just feel so Tired of everything. My Pain is Just too real....

Sometimes I feel so fearful of life, of myself, of each single day.

Truly you can't always see the Pain someone is going through. Half of my life, I've battled and struggled my way through.

I feel so alone in the midst of everything. All the Pain Im going through, I don't know when it will ever end....

I just hope God will Heal me. All these years without Him, I wouldn't even have survived till today...

Pastor said before that we are the most vulnerable to the devil when we are ALONE.

And This is very very True.......

I must admit Im a very independant and strong girl. Tho Im living with my family now, its no difference to living alone.

Its like Im staying alone now, all alone in my own world.

But why does it have to be me? Why do I have to go through all these Pain by myself.....

I can't tell anyone or talk to anyone about it. Its just too shameful... No one will ever understand my Pain.

I don't know why must my life be so painful. Why must I be so different from others? How I wish I can just be normal and happy again...

The past 8 years of sufferings are really enough. I can't take it any longer. Emotionally, mentally, physically, the Pain is really killing me...

Its a miracle Im still surviving today. Truly what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.

But Im afraid I won't be able to last that long. Because I'm slowly losing the hope, and the strength to fight on.

Sometimes I just wonder... God, where are You in my times of Tribulations? Why must I be the one who have to go through all these......

I just hope, and pray that God will hear my silent cries. Because I really need Him to bring Healing and do a miracle in my life. †

Pst kong is really so spiritual and loves God alot. He has been on so many mission trips in the past 2 weeks, preached 28 times in 10 days, but yet still does his best to preach the word....

Wow... he is a Truly amazing anointed Man of God!! I look up to him alot! =)

My Desire is really to seek the face of God more, have a strong Prayer life, and be a strong PRAYER WARRIOR!! + + +

After svc, went for bible study.. Then went to Bugis to meet Wes... Everything is ok le... I may feel sad sometimes, but ultimately I believe things are gonna be ok... because I have Faith in God!! =)

After that, we went home... Sigh next Mon and Thur I have exams!! Sigh God bless me... + + +

Dear I love you... Take good care... <3

I don't want to come to a conclusion that all guys are the same.

So it was a misunderstanding.... and we didn't really talk to each other after Nicole talked to us on the train.

Then during service, Wes smsed me... say he won't care about me anymore. Everytime also never listen to him, he can't be bothered anymore, etc etc.

So I replied back that I didn't do anything wrong and I dunno why he's angry... my conscience is clear etc etc.

Can you imagine? We were sitting next to each other and were smsing each other. lols.

After Wes sms me, I completely no mood already. I was very sad... the way he sms me is like he wanted to break up...

Straight after service, he walked away angrily. Then I went to clarify with Nicole that I did not get distracted by Tomi during cg at all. Then she ask me to explain to Wes.... I didn't go for bible study... cuz I really no mood le.

So I called him... but he hung up on me twice. On the 3rd call, I was very angry and I shouted at him... then he shout back EVEN louder... ask me where I am he's coming to find me...

I really thought he's going to hit me or something when I went to find him... lols... but never.... then he wanted to go find Tomi.....

Sigh... luckily Wes never beat Tomi up... he was like fuming lor... we went to a corner and talked things out for quite a while....

Sigh... To me, Tomi's just a friend... but Wes say he don like me talking to him.... its cuz he MIA from church very long... then yesterday he first time came back... so I talked to him....

But what Im sad about is not cuz Wes wanted to beat Tomi up, or he lost his temper... its cuz its like he don trust me... and the way he smsed me during svc its like he wants to break up with me....

And it was the first time he shout at me and scold me so fiercely... Scold me why I always don listen to him and talk to other guys etc.....

I held back my Tears only lor... Im a strong girl...

Soon things calmed down... and me and Wes went off.... but we still didn't really talk. Then Wes met up with his friend for dinner.... I was quite Emo la so didn't talk much to him....

Then Wes typed out a msg on his phone asking me when am I going to leave him.... crazy... I won ever leave you kae.... is I scared you leave me instead....

Dear, last time whatever verbal and physical abuse I've gone through them all.... and its much much worse de....

Yesterday to me its nothing.... Im just sad cuz I think I love you too much le.... thats why when u scolded me I felt very hurt....

But today Im ok le... I Just feel sad but much better le... I love you alot kae dear... Im very scared one day u will leave me.... of cos I hope this won't happen....

And its been very long since I went out with Wes le... only went to his house to accompany him.... cuz too busy with schoolwork and Wes injured his leg in the past week....

But its ok.... Dear as long as I can spend time with you Im happy already.....

Dear... I miss you and I love you.... <3

**** You told me you'll never hurt me. You promised me you'll never leave me, and would never want to see me cry. <3